a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize
