I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
Randomize
