I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
I'm really busy with my period
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