someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
It's no shave November. This is our time.
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
Randomize
