i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
Randomize
