thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
No more Irish car bombs ever.
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
Randomize
