I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
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