Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Randomize
