Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
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