I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
