Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
Randomize
