I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
Randomize
