Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
Randomize
