She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
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