I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
