the new term for farting is butt boxing.
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
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