i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
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