Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
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