he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
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