How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
Randomize
