Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
