She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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