This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
Randomize
