Gayer than 8 guys blowing 9 guys
wow, that really makes you stop and think.
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
