I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
I'm determined to sit on that face.
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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