I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
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