It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
Randomize
