the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
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