forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
Randomize
