I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
Randomize
