Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
We were destined to go to rehab together
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
Randomize
