Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
Randomize
