i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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