You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
Randomize
