I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
Randomize
