I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize
