so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
Randomize
