So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
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