I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
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