I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
How drunk are you?
Completed.
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Randomize
