His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
Come back. Shots need mouths.
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
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