Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
Randomize
