True but thats because hes a fetus.
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
Randomize
