i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
Boobs speak an international language.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
Randomize
