It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize
