Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
Randomize
