Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize
