Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
Can vaginas get frostbite?
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
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