Just fell off a train. Bad.
I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
you have to choose: penises or morals?
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
they call him Oral-B. enough said
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
Randomize
