and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
It all started with a game of naked twister.
Randomize
