I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
Randomize
