yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
Randomize
