when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
